Hextol
No flies on Arnie, the arachnid in pursuit of lunch
Published 3 July 2009
ONE of the disadvantages of being terminally absent minded is making odd little discoveries around Hextol Towers.
Wired up to bring carnage to the conservatory
Published 26 June 2009
AT last, the nights are cutting in again, so I can look forward far enough to the weekends when Mrs Hextol can find no more external tasks for me to carry out.
Fascination with my belly can be hard to stomach
Published 19 June 2009
I HAVE never been one for putting myself in the public eye.
Something that stinks is afoot over our middens
Published 12 June 2009
WHAT a mess our wonderful new unitary authority is making of the simple process of emptying dustbins.
Soft shoe shuffle to the bargain basement store
Published 5 June 2009
I was desperately disappointed last Christmas when instead of the usual multitude of socks, underpants and slippers, I unwrapped not a single sample of any.
We just got Janet wrong? They must be joking!
Published 29 May 2009
IT has probably escaped everyone’s notice, but our reaction to the obnoxious behaviour of the ghastly crone Janet Street-Porter when she appeared in Hexham the other week has not gone down well in the capital.
A plague on this latest dose of doomsday hokum
Published 22 May 2009
THE column this week comes from the nuclear bunker under the west wing of Hextol Towers, where Mrs Hextol and I have taken refuge from the latest tsunami of porcine plague sweeping the country.
Daubing and sploshing my way to contentment
Published 15 May 2009
IT is no secret that I am not terribly good at art.
Hextol Towers fails to attract any high fliers...
Published 8 May 2009
REPORTS of an upturn in the housing market are being borne out at Hextol Towers.
Sweet end to biting off more than I could chew
Published 1 May 2009
MY mother always told me that eating sweets was bad for your teeth, and this week she was finally proved right.
Singing along to a pale imitation of good old Al
Published 24 April 2009
FOR someone who died the year I was born, Al Jolson has played a huge role in my life.
Eggs and growlers; now that’s a proper picnic!
Published 17 April 2009
I GOT to thinking the other day – it’s years since we had a proper picnic.
National trumps all the great sporting moments
Published 10 April 2009
SO DO you know anyone who had any money on Grand National winner Mon Mome?
A rubbish end to a smelly search for the key...
Published 3 April 2009
I REGRET to say it’s been another tricky week on the mishaps front.
Six of the best put paid to our school rebellion
Published 27 March 2009
RIOTING schoolchildren have been hitting the headlines of late, taking to the school yard to vent their anger at their teachers.
Agony and ecstasy of big day out on the Toon
Published 20 March 2009
ONE of the highlights of my year is the annual freebie to a Newcastle United away game.
Brush with danger as a day goes badly wrong
Published 13 March 2009
HAVE you ever had one of those days which starts badly, and you just know it is going to get worse?
Backed into a corner by pig-headed Brummies
Published 6 March 2009
BIRMINGHAM and the Black Country have a great deal to answer for.
Why I have no warm feelings for the felines
Published 27 February 2009
WAS there ever a more insufferable animal than a cat?
Shrieks, moans and nocturnal misadventures...
Published 19 February 2009
SO there I was, lying in my coffin, watching my parents weeping as a sad old padre shovelled soil into my face.
