Never feel guilty – it’s not your fault
Last updated 19:28, Thursday, 27 November 2008
A YOUNG woman who suffered more than six years of sexual abuse by her stepfather has chosen to speak about her ordeal in the hope that she can help others.
The 19-year-old, who lives in Workington, but cannot be named for legal reasons, suffered for too long at the hands of someone she was meant to trust.
Her only comfort was being able to tell her friends, who supported her until she finally felt able to go to the police.
She said: “I was three years old when I met him. He was with my mother for a few years before they got married.
“Everything was fine for a while, then, when I was 12, the abuse started. I was young and didn’t know what was happening.
“He told me that it was our secret and made me feel guilty about what was happening.”
The victim explained it was only when she had sex education lessons at school that she became fully aware that what was happening was not right.
“I ended up telling a couple of friends, who were great. They stood by me and listened to me. “It was a huge relief to be able to tell someone,” she said.
Although her friends knew what was happening, she said she was still too scared to tell her mother, as her stepfather told her no one would believe her.
The abuse carried on for another couple of years until she turned 18 and was able to move.
She said she was determined to prove she wasn’t a little girl any more and that her stepfather couldn’t control her life.
She moved into a house with a friend of the family, who is now her boyfriend.
She said he helped her come to terms with what had happened and gave her a haven from her stepfather.
“He used to follow me everywhere. It was like I wasn’t allowed to live my life.”
It was then that she decided to tell her mother, who fortunately believed her daughter and chose to stand by her.
The young woman said: “I told my mum exactly what had happened and she told me to go to the police.”
She was interviewed by officers and had to undergo examinations.
Her stepfather was arrested later that day and initially denied the abuse. However, he later pleaded guilty in court, and the young woman’s evidence about her horrific past helped put him behind bars for six years.
She said the relief that it was all over was immense.
However, she decided to tell her story to help others and to help bring about closure.
And she has offered a message of hope for anyone who may be faced with the same trauma.
“Don’t suffer in silence like I did. For six years I was abused but you don’t have to be alone. My friends were a great help to me and supported me. I needed them. You can trust people.
“My mum also supported me, when I was eventually brave enough to tell her, and he is now in prison. If I can do it then so can you.”
The young woman never sought any support outside her family and friends.
However, victims are able to seek confidential help and advice from West Cumbria Rape Crisis, the support group that has just had its future secured for another year following the announcement of a £37,000 government grant.
A spokeswoman for West Cumbria Rape Crisis said: it is important that people are not left to feel guilty about something that is not their fault.She added: “We urge people who are the victims of terrible acts like rape not to carry a burden of guilt that is not theirs.
“We regularly visit schools to give out information and we are always here to listen and help with the problems. This does not have to be a dreadful secret.
“We will point you in the right direction and help get your life back on track.”
The information is free and totally confidential. Anyone wishing to contact West Cumbria Rape Crisis can call the helpline on 01900 829729.
