Ian Coates

Last updated 12:24, Thursday, 06 November 2008

I’m taking over the world. I’m more a lover than a fighter, so I am doing it very subtly. My secret plan for world domination is to infiltrate as many people as I can.

You may be wondering just how one person can do this with no army/followers/not many friends, but one day I will have my essence in enough people so that at the snap of my fingers, they will be under my control.

Of course I will have to donate blood until I am roughly 857,654 years old.

It’s one of two reasons why I’m a little apprehensive of my success.

The other problem is that I need millions of recipients.

I have been donating blood now since I was 18 so I am polluting the human race at quite a rate.

Now I know that National Blood Doning would rather I didn’t speak of their wonderful service in the terms that I am using, but there are so many checks done on the donations I suspect that if one had a relative who was a little eccentric it would be found out.

Every time I donate I am surprised at how keen they are to take my blood.

Perhaps it is cohesive to my own beliefs and I am very special.

I like to think so.

As is every other donor at the sessions. I see it as being just as important as the surgeon, nurses, anaesthetist in every operation that needs blood.

I am participating in my own Casualty series.

Albeit in my own imagination, which as you may have noticed is a little colourful to say the least.

Perhaps my imagination is the first sign of a history of CJD disease in my family but I swear the only mad cow in my family was my mother when I broke one of her ornaments as a child.

I don’t think that counts. At least, I hope it doesn’t or my plan for my world leadership is doomed...