By Emma Morley

Published at 05:38, Friday, 01 August 2008

She doesn’t want him but she doesn’t want anyone else to have him either . Sounds like a storyline in a novel or a television drama.

Second wives: Linda Mellor, above, and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, left, whose marriage to Prince Charles helped put the Second Wives Club in the national spotlight

But the problems facing some women with a partner or husband who has been married before are not fictional. They can be the cause of years of anxiety and may even lead to the break-down of the new relationship.

Linda Mellor is one such woman who has experienced the trials and tribulations caused by her husband’s ex-wife and this led her to set up The British Second Wives Club, which now has more than 1,500 members.

When she met Richard in 2001 he had already separated from his wife and had decided he was going to divorce her.

They had children and problems started the moment she found out about Linda.

“All hell let loose and this was the trigger point,” said Linda, 43. “I thought the divorce was nothing to do with me but I was dragged into it.”

Linda, who has never met Richard’s ex-wife, was asked for personal details including her career, the car she drove and how much she earned.

She said: “You are not legally obliged to give your details to the Child Support Agency.

“When you are in this situation you need to know your rights.

“Everything was battled out in court and it went on and on. I had never been involved with the courts before.”

Linda says she had to deal with receiving silent phone calls and his ex sitting at the end of the drive.

“It is like a black cloud hanging over you,” she said. “Even if she has a new boyfriend and she doesn’t want her ex-husband, she may not want anyone else to have him. You become the perfect scapegoat. It is easy for them to blame someone else.

“The divorce was very acrimonious. She thought she was entitled to a salary from him. Everything was long and drawn out.”

Issues over access to children are common and in some cases children can be dragged into a ‘hate campaign’ against their father.

Linda, who lives near Penrith, said: “Some ex-wives seem to hate their ex-husband more than they love their children.

“Sometimes children are told to call their father by his first name. He is the father but is described as a second class citizen – the UK legal system is weighted to the woman.

“It is important to ensure that children have a relationship with their father but we say it is like paying per view to see your children.”

Linda had looked around for support but couldn’t find anywhere to turn to for advice.

“I felt I couldn’t be the only woman going through this,” she said.

“Even if you have the support of family and friends, it is extremely difficult and you can feel alone.

It is unknown territory for women and some relationships do crack under the strain.”

Linda’s situation is typical of what many women in similar circumstances go through.

As a result of her experiences she set up The British Second Wives Club in March 2005, a month before the high-profile wedding of Prince Charles to Camilla Parker Bowles.

As a second wife, Camilla’s situation helped put the club in the spotlight and Linda has worked hard to develop its profile ever since, appearing on the Sharon Osbourne show with TV presenter and author Jane Moore, on the radio and in the press. She said: “People don’t come to the club to be media stars and I have a genuine interest in helping people and telling them the club is here to help.”

Jane Moore wrote the book The Second Wives Club and donated the shoes that appear on the cover of the book to be auctioned by The British Second Wives Club to raise money for Breakthrough Breast Cancer.

The club has supported Bridges to Belarus, which helps children affected by the Chernobyl disaster, by auctioning a signed photograph of Gordon Ramsey.

The club now has more than 1,500 members and the website is at its heart, offering invaluable advice and support through a forum where members can discuss issues and organise social events.

One member has seen her partner’s children primed by their mother to ask questions about where she works and how much she earns and has felt that she is unable to talk about anything in front of them.

While the ex-wife may be getting legal aid, the cost for the man who has to pay his own legal bills can be crippling.

This member and her partner are unable to get a mortgage because his ex will not sign to have his name taken off the mortgage. So the couple have to rent because of the debts.

This type of situation makes it difficult for couples to make a clean break, something which can cause constant pressure on a relationship.

Linda also offers confidential coaching, which she describes as a lifeline for women.

“I wish I had this help when I was going through it,” she said. “I understand what they are going through and know they are not exaggerating. I am proud I have been able to help so many women.”

Linda is currently writing a book, due to be published next year. It is a handbook for second wives and will act as an extension to the website.

Regular get-togethers are organised nationally for club members and Linda hopes to build up groups locally that can meet up socially. Visit www.bswc.co.uk for details.

Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk